The Birth of Violeta Mae

Thursday night I went to sleep after putting the kids to bed. I’d been having fairly regular mild contractions for two or three days, which is pretty typical for me. I think of it as pre-labor and try not to get too excited, because I know this part can last awhile. At about 1:30 am I woke up with the pain of stronger contractions. They were coming about every ten minutes and I could not sleep through them. After a short while I got up, I couldn’t lie like that anymore; these contractions were really getting strong and closer together. I went into the bathroom where I lost the remainder of the plug, which I’d lost bits of slowly over the week, and quickly the contractions began coming very fast, like every couple minutes. I thought “Oh my gosh, this is going to be it!” Teuta, our almost-four year old, woke up about then and I gently led her into the bedroom to lie down with my husband, telling them both that I thought the baby was going to come tonight and I’d wake them if things got more intense.
The contractions I was having were strong enough to make me stop wanting to talk and just focus. I did that for a while. I had the shakes which I assumed were hormonal but then the contractions slowed down again to about every ten to fifteen minutes and I dozed on the couch, waking with a few strong ones, and then finally falling asleep completely. Around 7 am they had stopped almost completely. “Huh. That was weird.” I thought. Throughout the day I had contractions every half hour, strong ones that were difficult to walk or talk through, but spaced very far apart. I knew that between the first and second stages of labor there can be a nice long break, still I was worried by the way labor had seemed to start and stall like that the night before, but my Mom was there to reassure me, “Don’t worry, she was getting some stuff done last night. When she comes, it’s going to be fast.” I remembered too that it had been very similar with my previous labor and birth. I was frustrated with how long things were taking, but reminded myself that this was normal for my body and, as my Mom said, how much “stuff” was getting done in there in the mean time.

Boy were we right.

Around 6 pm I thought, “Man, even if we wanted to go in to the hospital, I don’t think I’d go in yet!” Still strong contractions. Still a half hour apart. Hmph. I began to feel a little grumpy. And the contractions began to come closer together. Every 20 minutes. Every 15. 10. 15 again. 5. 10. At 8 pm my husband was reading a Bible story to the girls before bed. I felt very impatient and snapped “Hurry up! I need to get the kids in bed and I need to get them there NOW!” I had no idea why I was so impatient. I felt like I wanted them all asleep so I could go into the bathroom by myself and just focus. Sit or kneel quietly and breathe and pray through these contractions without any other distractions. My husband wisely prayed with them and wrapped stuff up quickly without saying anything, other than giving me a meaningful sideways glance. I told the girls a quick couple stories, turned out the lights and sang to them. I rocked our two year old, even though at bed time she mostly likes to just lay in the bed now as I hold her hand and sing to them all. But I felt like rocking her a little first and wanted to kiss her head and tell her I loved her. Then I layed down in the bed too for a few minutes as they began to drift off. I’d had a couple contractions during story time that were hard to talk through and one on that bed that made me pray I wouldn’t have another one in that position. I peeked at them all. Out cold. Thank you Lord because another wave is coming. I hurried out of the room with the next contraction. It was about 8:30 pm. I sat down on a chair in the living room where my Mom and Hasan were hanging out.

“You having this baby tonight or what?” My Mom joked.

I think I had two, maybe three contractions on that chair before my Mom suggested we get out the plastic wrap and lay it on the floor. I hadn’t planned on being in the living room, I had imagined this peaceful, slow evening of labor, maybe in a warm shower. Suddenly though, kneeling on a soft mat by the couch was sounding pretty good. I had just a few more contractions as things were quickly put in place. I was quite lucid between them, saying things like, “Hasan, get that other towel from the bathroom, hurry, cuz another one is coming.” I knelt there. I could not believe the intensity of the contractions that came then. A dear friend sent me a couple of encouraging notes written on pretty prayer flags, one of which said “You can do anything for one minute,” and I kept repeating that in my mind. My water broke and at one point I said “I think I’m transitioning.” They kept asking if I wanted my pants all the way off (they were around my knees) but it’s funny how once you are in that place you don’t want anything to change, so I said no, even though they were soaked.

The pressure now was tearing through me, so that I could barely catch a breath. I remembered my midwife back in the States telling me during my previous labor that “open palms mean an opening cervix” and that closed fists hinder the process and a couple times reminded myself of this as I’d find myself clutching at the couch cushions as though hanging on for dear life. I was moaning and shouting and praying out loud “DEAR GOD JESUS PLEASE” which was about as far as I could get, but I know he knows what I meant.

Hasan says that from the time I knelt down I had about six contractions before she was out. As I look back, I believe these were the most deeply intense contractions I’ve had with any birth, including when I had back labor with Adelina. Hasan was amazing, by the way, simultaneously pushing my hips together and rubbing my lower back hard for counter pressure. I seriously don’t think I could have made it through without him. I remember in the midst of it thinking “Why are these so strong?!” followed immediately by “Oh my gosh I can feel her descending! I’m not ready for this part!!! I am NOT pushing yet!” followed immediately by “My gosh I’m pushing! How is this happening?!” My body was doing it, despite me. Then I began to help it by putting my mind into the pushing as well. I reached down a couple times and could feel the slimy bulge that I knew was her head, though I couldn’t reiterate this in words to the rest of the room. But they were right there with me and a few moments later my Mom was peeking with a flashlight and saying “Oh my gosh, I can see her head! She’s coming!” I could feel a long, slow burning and realized, still in shock, that she was crowning! Now! Already! I shouted, “Pants, pants, pants!” Now I wanted them off. I reminded myself to try and hesitate so as not to tear and “breathe the baby out.”

She crowned beautifully, albeit quickly. The back of her head first and facing my back.

I stood in a half stand/squat with my left leg up a little. My Mom asked if she should run in and get the girls. They had so wanted to see the baby come out and I had so wanted them there. But it was going too fast, although I couldn’t communicate it, I knew there wasn’t time even for my Mom to run into the next room. I managed to grunt “Actually, no-“ then the final contraction came. My Mom asked if I needed counter pressure down there, I grunted “Yes” and as she reached down, the baby’s head was born right into her hands! Then out popped her right shoulder, and then her left, -then the rest of her in a rush and with a gush of the remaining waters.

Instantaneous relief.

From being torn in two to the most perfect and wonderful feeling in the world. “Run, get the girls!” I cried happily as I lifted my wet little baby up to me (And my gosh I’m crying as I write that part.) My Dad, who’d been praying in the next room, came in at that same time, overjoyed and amazed at how fast it had gone. She was born at 9:47 pm on Friday, May 31st. And here I’d thought she was going to wait and be a June baby. The girls were there, Adelina, age 6 wide awake immediately and super excited, Teuta, age almost-four, and very sleepy, but also very happy. They got in some kisses and stuff as we snapped pictures and rejoiced together in awe over this new little addition. Then Teuta went back to sleep on the couch while Adelina followed us in to the bathroom where I thought to deliver the placenta. She decided she did not want to see that, though, and I think she went back out to the living room to hang out with my Dad, checking back in on me every now and then with a big grin.

I stood, and squatted, and stood, and squatted, wondering after a time if I should think about taking the placenta release tincture I’d ordered just in case. I decided it was still all in good time though and it took a little while, but I was already nursing the baby and finally with a mild contraction the placenta sort of slid out into the prepared bowl I had handy. I called my husband in then and he held the baby, who was still connected, while I jumped in to clean off a little in the shower.

After, oh I don’t know, perhaps an hour and a half in total we tied off the now-limp cord and cut it. None of us could believe how clean the baby was. I hadn’t torn and she’d come out with some of the waters, so there was not a speck of blood or goopyness or anything on her. Clean as a whistle, so tiny and so so perfect. I took my baby back into the living room where we snuggled on the couch as she nursed some more. We thought to weigh her then on the kitchen scale my Mom brought along. She weighed in at 7lbs 2oz, although she’d already nursed a few times and had a diaper on by this point. The next evening when I measured her head it was 34 cm (just shy of 13 in) and her body length around 19 inches (little thing!) though I’m not sure I had her quite fully stretched out as she didn’t care for that.

We named her Violeta (pr. Vee-o-lay-ta) Mae, she and I are both doing great. She’s nursing beautifully and so far is a very calm and peaceful little one. Thank you to everyone for your gifts, your thoughts, your prayers and well-wishes. Blessings to you all. <3

I Fail

I fail.

Miserably sometimes.
Lot's of times, actually.
I'm talking major royal failage.

Oh there are many times that I walk away from a situation or a moment and get to feel proud, proud of myself for being a "good Mom", for doing a good job, for doing things right. For rising above my own human tendencies to be selfish or greedy or mean or whatever.

But those times are not what this post is about.
This post is about the many times I have, do, and will fail. I get angry and instead of "expressing it appropriately" I yell. Or threaten. I make unfair demands and use unkind words. I hurt feelings. I do exactly the opposite of what I try and teach my kids to do. I often have to apologize because they deserve more respect than that and I am acting selfishly and without either patience, kindness or grace. Sometimes I begin to parent in a way I think others think that I should. I do things or say things I don't believe in because I know those others are watching. I have to apologize for that, too, because it is prideful behavior.
I do lots of things wrong.
I do many things right.
That's life, Mamas. It's butterflies and rainbows and hail storms and locust clouds. It's the sunlight glancing off your toddler's curls and scraped knees and twirly dresses and tumbling off the porch or down a grassy hill and it's all mixed up in this messy, beautiful, painful, wonderful experience called life.

We will never be perfect. We will never handle every situation that comes flying at us in the form of cheerios from the hands of a tired and angsty two year old or hurting words from a frustrated six year old with perfect humility and gentleness.

But you know what?
Christ did.
He was perfectness in human form.
When they slapped, he turned, when they railed, He quietly spoke the Truth, when they killed Him, He died in our place, that we may be imputed with his purity and be Saved. The greatest act of love ever known!
Psalm 61 says "lead me to the rock that is higher than I." He is our strength, through Him we receive new grace for every morning, every moment, praise His Name!

So Mothers, sweet Mothers with hearts broken over what you may have messed up on this week, this day, this minute, take a moment to quiet your soul. Remember that we all fail, but that with Christ in our hearts we can rise to love better right now. So say you're sorry, if you need to, ask for forgiveness. Part of being a Mom is also modeling what to do when we mess up. And your kids will love, respect, and cherish that from you.

I Am A Mother

I am a protector.

I am a comforter,

A nurturer of little souls, bodies, and minds.

I make sacrifices, I am a servant.

I am a grace-giver, hand-holder, forgiveness-seeker.

I need to show them goodness.

I am a model.

I am a learner and I am a teacher.

I am a friend.

I am a Mother.

Wet Toes

Drip drop
Drip drop
Not a great day
for flip-flops,

I will wear mine
Anyway,
Because I wear them
Every day!

Copyright Jacquelyn Bytyqi 2013

Poems For Poetry Month

It was poetry month (um, last month...) So we tried to incorporate poetry a little more into our learning days. Reading them, writing them, contemplating them... We're deep like that. Here are two poems written by the girls all on their own. I think you'll be able to tell where their separate inspirations came from :)

Adelina's (age 6) Poem

Timpy the Turtle
Went out one day,
Over the hills
And far away~

Timpy the Turtle
Wanted to go home,
And that is the end
Of this poem.



Teuta's (age almostfour) Poem

Hiddy the Mouse
Went up the clock
Hiddy the mouse
Fell all the way down,
He found a girl mouse
And they got married
And had little babies.

C is for Cookie (and you KNOW that's good enough for me!)

Another cooking post.

Specifically, another cook-ie post.

Cuz you know I'm all about the health.

I'm calling these simply "Chocolate Chunk Cookies."

I ate half the batch myself because I really support chunky cookies and I really support chunky pregnancies.

I jest. I fully support and sometimes even practice healthful and wholesome eating during pregnancy. That's probably why I ate so many, so there will be less of the buggars out there tempting you nice people. Takin' one for the team.

These come from a super secret special recipe, handed down to me from my great great great Cherokee grandmother who originally used corn meal and maple syrup that she tapped herself.

Just kidding! It's Nestle Tollhouse's classic chocolate chip recipe as found here:http://www.verybestbaking.com/recipes/18476/Original-NESTL%C3%89-TOLL-HOUSE-Chocolate-Chip-Cookies/detail.aspx

I know, I know, Nestle is evil, but I didn't use any of their products, just their recipe. (I actually used Milka chocolate, muahahaha!)

Actually, in all honesty, had I been State-side these babies probably woulda been made with a big ol' bag of Nestle semi-sweets. Can you believe that Kosovo doesn't have chocolate chips though? I know, I couldn't either. They do however have chocolate bars, which can be cut up into chunks, hence the name of the cookies.

So first off I turned the oven on and we got to work chopping chocolate.


Then it was the usual sugar, butter, vanilla routine. I only had a little bit of light brown sugar left, so I used up that, which was about a fourth a cup and then 1/2 a cup of dark brown sugar. Here's the contrast in color, the light is in the bowl, dark is in the bag, the picture doesn't show it very well, but I love the rich dark color of it.


Here's the brand I use (and I have no idea why my computer keeps flipping this picture sideways):


You can see it now darker in the bowl there. It's pretty. It also has a different flavor, but not bad, a little stronger and syrupy-er.

Then the vanilla. Vanilla here comes in these cute little bottles, see?


And the butter. Oh shoot, I only have half the butter I need! That's half a cup. I Google butter substitutes.
1) Applesauce. Oh, cool. Guess what else they don't have here? Yup, that's right. Next?
2) Oil. Yes, oil I have.
I add some oil. A little less than half a cup because it says in the article to use a little less oil than butter needed if that's what you're doing. (P.S. The oil made them really soft and moist -I think I might cut the butter with oil every time!)

Time for the the most exciting part of this process next to sneaking finger-fulls of dough behind your Mom's back and besides eating the actual cookies. The mixing. When cooking with children it is a requirement that everyone's hand be on the mixer at all times that said mixer is on.


Then goes in the eggs (more mixing) and the dry ingredients (more mixing) and the chocolate chunks (you know what goes here) and Voila! Time to spoon this glorious mixture onto the pan.


Another requirement of baking with kids is that as soon as the mixer is turned off, all children must pepper their Mother with "But why?"s and "How come?"s and "Just one taste?"s when instructed not to eat the batter, and also what IS salmonella? Did I make that up so I could have all the dough to myself? -Something I would never EVER do, by the way!

Phew! Ok, into the oven. This is the "baby" waiting for them to be done right after I told her we had to wait for them to cook. "Ok, pfine." She huffed.


Here is the finished product. We quite enjoyed them!


Somehow, one of my kids ended up naked this time around, too. Apparently childhood, baking cookies, and nudity all go hand-in-hand. I think it happened something like this -we were all sitting around waiting for the cookies to be done when the almost-two year old climbed up on a step-stool and yelled, "I see BIG tractor AND Jesus!"

Almost-two year olds are very insightful.

Then she toppled off her stool and after a short cry had to strip neckid' so she could show us exactly where she was hurt. If you've never had an almost-two year old, you should. You can see how it's kind of like living with an intoxicated philosophy professor. It keeps you grounded -or at least laughing.

So anyway, go bake cookies -with your kids even, if you're brave- but be better than me and make them with spelt flour and homemade organic applesauce. Or something like that.
Cheers.

Reading a story when you still have just one child, vs when you have three. Go.

Here's what it's like to read a story to your toddler when you still just have one kid:

"Goodnight Moon. In the great green room, there was a telephone and a red balloon..." Continues thus until the end: "Goodnight noises, everywhere." The end! Snuggle snuggle, kiss kiss.

Here is what it's like to (try to) read a story to your toddler when you now have multiple children.

"Goo- wait, hunny, let Mommy help you with that- Ok, Goodnight Moon. In the great gree- Hey. You. Climb down from there please. What? No, you may not eat a spoon of sugar. Yes you did have a treat this morning, remember? Daddy brought you one. Get down please. Thank you. Now, In the great green room, there was a telephone and a red balloon, and a picture of the cow jumping over the moon. -What? Oh, that's her udder, it's where the baby cow drinks milk from. I know there's no baby cow in this story -hey, let's see what happens next! There were three little bears, sit- Huh? I don't know where your toy seal is, hunny. Is it in your room?.. Did you take it into the bathroom? Oh good, ok, um... There were three little bears, sitting on chairs, and two little kittens, and a pair of mittens -What? No, I don't know where your seal's crown is." By this time, the toddler is rolling off your lap, trying to slam the book closed on your fingers going, "All done! All done! Now dis one!" Because you are boring her to death with this and she thinks maybe it's that particular book that was the problem. But don't worry, you have three kids so by now you've accumulated a huuuge stack of books to get through. :)
(Oh, and there's still plenty of time for snuggles and kisses, thank goodness!)